A funny thing happened at the local shop today … funny peculiar.
You know when you have one of those days when you wake up, well part of you does, and start to wander along your day – then a couple of hours later you realise you have not been ‘awake’ and definitely not present or in the moment. You have not been alert and have been nodding agreement (or grunting) to people instead of talking and engaging in real conversation. Your mind and attention has been floating above your head in a vague state of disconnection from the world around you. Do you have those days?
Well it happened to me this week.
I stopped into the local shop to get some bread and milk and was blindly and silently wandering through the shop to the milk section, then picked up the milk. I then sauntered towards the counter to pay, but stepped away mindlessly from the counter to get some bread. At this time I had not spoken to the cashier (at all) and she was already ‘ringing up’ my purchases – and I had just wandered off to look for some bread, in my very vague state of mind. I was not aware, definitely not in the ‘here and now’.
The cashier on the other hand was focused on the task at hand and was processing my purchases (as is her allotted task). Thankfully it was not a busy day in the store at the time. I wandered back to the counter with a fruit loaf scruffed in my hand and grunted something incoherently to the cashier – and then I woke up (not literally, as I was standing up at the time and had driven a car to the shop) – I was acutely aware that my behaviour was probably not very helpful to the people around me, let alone the person who was trying to process my purchases. (shock, horror)
I admitted my fault to the cashier with a comment something like, “sorry, I am feeling a bit foggy and unfocused today”.
She was so sweet, bless her. I was reassured by her that it was quite OK and normal to feel a bit foggy sometimes and vague (so true). All I needed to do was ‘get it together’ by 3pm on that day.
That was when it happened. The Ah-h moment! I had heard something along this line before and had not really understood what it was about. Now I realise – it is about being honest and real, not just awake and alert. Being real is about being in control of your own wellness as well as your own ‘vague and foggy’ days.
It reminded me of the previous time I had heard similar words and the message from an older, wiser woman “it is quite fine and acceptable to wallow in self-pity for a moment or even half a day”, she told me “but after that you had best get your head together or the misery will take a hold of your heart”!
What wonderful words of wisdom.
So next time I feel miserable or vague, I shall acknowledge and celebrate my misery for a moment or maybe an hour or so and then I will choose to get myself together, and get ready for the wonderful that is just around the corner, because it is only when experiencing and understanding the ‘awful’ we can notice the ‘good’ in the world around us. Remember, three o’clock only comes around once every twelve hours, so there is plenty of time to enjoy a good ol’ wallow.
Go ahead, let yourself wallow (or stagger around) in self-pity for a little while!